Meet-n-Greet Frequently Asked Questions

What is a Meet-n-Greet?

Meet & Greet's aka M-n-G's aka Bar Meets are just that, meetings. M-n-G's are a gathering of ALL like minded people in a public location for the purpose of meeting and greeting new people into the lifestyle in a no pressure atmosphere. NO sexual activity takes place at a M-n-G's. These events are social evenings, not play parties, where everyone is welcome: newbies; seasoned lifestylers; couples; single guys/gals; all ages/races/body types/sexual orientations.

Why attend a Meet-n-Greet?

Well, think of it like this... being able to browse the personals, but only live! Plus, with the added bonus of a non-pressure situation as it wouldn't be if you met someone out for dinner and drinks. If you are not compatible with a couple, simply move on to another couple (or couples) that may be more suited for you. How great is that? If you have never attended a M-n-G, we encourage you to do so. You have nothing to lose and much to gain. Many hosts use M-n-G's to validate couples. Getting known as a good single guy means going a lot and being on your best behaviour.

I went once, now what?

Go to a given M-n-G not once but multiple times. Really! Here's why.... Not everyone interested in the swinging lifestyle go every month to their local M-n-G's, even the seasoned swingers! Lets face it we all have busy lives and can't make every one. Going multiple times will ensure that you'll meet many more new people (than you otherwise would have going only once). More on this....

So, what exactly goes on at a M-n-G?

Food, drink, music, dancing, handshakes, hugs and a lot of talking! Hoping for more? It wouldn't be called M-n-G then! No sex goes on in the public locations, it's un cool and foolhardy. Almost all M-n-G's are all held in public locations like a hotel bar. Some groups hold their M-n-G in a different location or town than their associated party. Most hold their party on a different day!

Who goes, single ladies, ages, etc.

The largest group is newbies. Many people keep going to them even as it's a great way to socialize even more often with old friends beyond the swingers parties. Quite a few swingers enjoy the social aspect of M-n-G's without the distraction of sex. M-n-G's are primarily a couples event but most are open to single guys and single gals. Most accept all ages/races/body types/sexual orientations. What's a typical M-n-G age range? 30's to 50's most times with some 20's and 60's. Expect all sizes and shapes like you see in the supermarket!

What Should I Wear?

Remember neatness above anything else. Nothing else worse than seeing someone in this type of environment slovenly attired. Dress as if you were going out restaurant and later to a nightclub. If you wish to later change into something more comfortable this is acceptable also.

How Many Couples Come to the Parties?

Many get 25 couples or more... with general a few single females attending as well. Of course that may vary either way from Meet-n-Greet to Meet-n-Greet. We feel this is a great number in that the couples there get to know one another fairly well and one is not overwhelmed about such a large group. Great for intimacy and variety. But mega-parties such as Halloween & New Year's Eve will garner a much larger crowd.

Can I Smoke?

Most bars have a 'designated' outside smoking area.

What type of people come to these Meet-n-Greet?

Simply put, all kinds. Our couples are normal everyday people with our members ranging from teachers, medical professionals, artists, homemakers, law enforcement, business owners, professionals of all types, retail, consultants, musicians, firefighters, dancers, government, etc.

Are many women that attend bi?

Our estimates would place about 85% of the women who come to Meet-n-Greets are bi or bi-curious. From time to time others host special themed parties for couples with a bi/bi-curious female.

Am I expected to 'participate'?

The only expectation the hosts have for you at Meet-n-Greets is to have a great time. Its a completely no pressure environment. Choosing to 'participate' can range from socializing with other couples, dancing, participating in our informal group discussion chat. You decide your own comfort level.

We're only 'curious' about the lifestyle, are we still welcomed?

A Meet-n-Greet is the best way to be introduced into the lifestyle. Its a completely no pressure atmosphere. It gives you a chance to chat and meet other couples in the lifestyle in a comfortable setting. The problem with meetings couples individually is that many couples feel pressured into doing 'something' and if there is no compatibility it makes for a very uncomfortable atmosphere. The best thing about attending a Meet-n-Greet is just being able to meet so many different people into the lifestyle. About 20-35% (sometimes more) of the couples that attend are new to the lifestyle or consider themselves new.

What is a Meet-n-Greet 'really' like?

Whatever your preconceived notion is about a Meet-n-Greet it is probably wrong. People are always amazed with how 'normal', 'civilized' and fun Meet-n-Greets are. If you want a more reflective picture of what a Meet-n-Greet is like... picture a great house party, with some of your best friends, with a healthy dose of sexiness & naughtiness thrown in for good measure.

'We have been to other Meet-n-Greets and sometimes have not found an attractive crowd.'

Honestly, if you want to get an ideal of what couples look like in the lifestyle, just go to the grocery store and look around you. That's the reality of the situation. Most Meet-n-Greets are not like the few selective groups are with their membership. There will still be a great bunch of attractive, sexy and personable people that are hard to match elsewhere.

Is there a cost?

Most M-nG's do not ask for any donation as they take over a section of a public bar.


To create a comfortable atmosphere for all, it should go without saying that tolerance is a key factor. M-n-G's do not allow any hatred of any kind towards anyone due to age, size, religion, ethnicity or sexual orientation. Any troublemakers will be identified and get to meet the bar's bouncers.

Can we bring a friend or friends?

Feel free to bring along a single friend or another couple.

What time does the Meet-n-Greet start & end?

8 pm is when many will begin to officially receive guests. Often guests will have dinner at the site of the Meet-n-Greet.

What are the ages of the couples that attend?

There's a great mixture of couples that range in age from early 20's to late 40's. But that being said, we have many wonderful Meet-n-Greeters in their 50's who are some of the sexiest and terrific of all. We are not so much about age (so long as you are 21), as we are about attitude. If you are older, and feel you can run with the crowd, then by all means do so!

What Happens If I Run Into Someone That I Know?

Remember, people are all there for the same reason. So if by chance, you run into someone you know, it could actually be a good thing. You may form a friendship with this person or if they are already a friend, an even stronger bond. Some people have met their co-workers, old friends, classmates, etc and almost always the experience is positive!

Is There Really A Difference Between Swinger's Groups?

Just as there is a difference between Ice Cream and pizza there is a BIG difference between lifestyle events. Some are smooth and others are very sweet! Most feel that M-n-G events are attended by a truly a unique community. One that is engaging, warm, friendly, classy and very sexy. So if you have soured on other groups overly clickieness (coldness to newbies), make sure to give other groups a try. You'll be pleasantly surprised. Most hosts try hard to keep people moving around and greeting all.

We Are New and Not Sure if We Are Ready for a Meet-n-Greet!

We hear that a lot from new couples. Often couples will have a pre-conceived notion of what your experience will be like. We can tell you that Meet-n-Greets are a great way to start into the lifestyle. Whatever you think you're experience will be, generally it will be inaccurate. Most hosts put a great deal of emphasis on couple interaction and just' fun' in generally. People often tell us that they had no idea just how much FUN that they would have at these events. And when I say fun, I'm talking about with your clothes on. Also, why beat around the bush with emailing couples online? That is a long drawn out process. And when (and if) you finally go out on a date with a couple, what happens if you are not compatible? That can create for a very awkward and uncomfortable situation. At a M-n-G you will have the opportunity to meet MANY terrific couples (that are active in the lifestyle) in person. Think of a it as a live swingers personals! Or a swingers 8 minute dating event. If you don't hit it off with one couple, the next couple is right there. With so many great couples in attendance, surely you will be able to make a wonderful connection in the lifestyle.

Can Swinging Save Our Marriage?

No. If your relationship is in trouble then swinging is definitely not the solution to your problems. In fact, it would probably make it worse. Swinging is a lifestyle where you need to have complete trust in your partner. Strong relationships seem to get even stronger while in the lifestyle but those that are shaky tend to get worse.

Advice #1 - Body Language

If you are interested in finding out if someone is interested, take a quick course in Body Language 101. We have found that looking for little clues such a nuances in someone's mannerisms, speech and body language are a great tool in trying to decide if someone (or someones) is interested. There are plenty of sites online to educate one's self on body language.

Advice #2 - Dancing

If you are new to the swing scene, switching partners while dancing is a great way to see if the lifestyle is for you. Most people would not object if you ask to switch partners on the dance floor. See if watching your partner dance with someone else is something that arouses you or is something that makes you feel uneasy. If it's the latter, then this lifestyle may not be for you. If it's the former... welcome to the club!

Dancing can practically be like having sex while clothed and standing up. It's great foreplay to dance with someone that you might be interested in taking that next step with.

So never shy away from the dance floor! Some of our best experiences have started/happened while wearing our boogie shoes.

Advice #3 - Set Boundaries

Where swinging usually goes wrong with newbies is when someone crosses an imaginary line that their partner had in their head. Always discuss what your boundaries will be before going into a lifestyles event. Let your parter know what you will and will not feel comfortable with. Communication is always important in any relationship and the swinging lifestyle is no different.

We Want to Go Out On A Date with Other Meet-n-Greet members

If you are looking to network with other couples in the lifestyle, then join Swingers group (there are links on the home page of this site). Go there and post exactly what you are looking. Give an indication of your age, location and what you're into and what you are looking for. Ask couples & single females to contact you directly at an email address provided.

Will I Get Laid?

The Meet-n-Greet group is not focused on sex. We bring together a group of couples & single females that are in the lifestyle together. Much like if you met in another nightclub, the night is what YOU make of it. At most Mn-G's there is never a planned group sex session. What you do in the private behind closed doors is your own business.

We Are Only Interested In A Female

Some couples are only interested in pursuing other women at the Meet-n-Greets. If this is what you're after, then this is possible as well. There is a lot of interaction between women at the Meet-n-Greets and some couples will freely let the female give attention to a couple as well without her male mate being present.

Make no enemies

Whether or not you are personally interested in swinging with someone, be polite. You never know, you may share many other interests or you may meet that person again and they may introduce you to someone with whom you ARE compatible and do wish to share time.

Party invites

Don't get disappointed being turned down on your first attempt if you: 1) Went to only one M-n-G (most have sign in sheets) 2) You emailed the host with your description and no face picture then 3) You ask for a party invite. Many single guys never bother to spending more than a minute to talk to the host couple. Some newbies not sure what the lifestyle is about immediately get busy hunting the single ladies instead of socializing with the couples (the majority of the women). Trust us, it's VERY easy to spot. Being in the mix with the husbands as well as the ladies is crucial too. If he doesn't like the vibe you put out you'll never get near her. Hosts also look for reliability in the single guys. Willingness to be patient and 'putting in the time' it takes to be known and recognized as a good guy. In short: one time at a M-n-G won't do it. Seem too hard? It is, that's why the host's single guy list for parties is short and they know them ALL as friends.

Finding other Meet-n-Greets

Where does one look? Well most of the popular swingers personals portal list them in their events section. We recommend but there are many others on our Hot Links page. Many are posted in regionally specific Yahoo! groups as well. See our selection of New Jersey Yahoo! swingers party groups.

Notes for the newbies:

"After Parties"
Are there 'after parties' held on the same day? Well, sometimes! In the past (pre new millenium) there always had been one associated with a M-n-G. Nowadays almost all big hotels lately are very vigilant for large (and sometimes loud) swinger's parties. So, don't expect anything posted publicly about any after parties, if they do exist at all. Most after parties now are just a single room or connected suite. Don't ask at the M-n-G too, as it's un cool. You could jeopardize the continuance of the M-n-G's ---- if there is one they (the 'After Party' organizers) will ask you! Also, not always are the M-n-G organizers also coordinating an 'After Party', so don't pester them either. Most M-n-G's are known to the hotels as computer or self help groups.

Single guys

  • You MUST be on your BEST behavior! Treat all better than your own family.
  • No pressuring anyone to get a room or to join them. If they want to invite you to a room, they will.
  • NO Stalking and NO Staring. Staring is anti-social behavior that only makes others uncomfortable.
  • After Party IF there is one the after party organizers will control the invites! Even if you overhear others being invited by them do not ask for one; they choose who gets one!
  • You may introduce yourselves, but don't be a pest. If others want to continue the conversation they will.
Despite the good advice of other hosts and the above there are some times where the men get out of hand. Below is an excerpt about an incident with the location [snip]ed out:

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Hi Everyone
Date: Fri, 07 Nov 2008
From: Jasmine 
.....its open to everyone but I will say if you're a single male 
respect the couples & single ladies..yes we dirty dance a bit but 
that doesn't give anyone the right to grope another..and if you get 
a hard on while dancing I suggest you either don't dance close or 
dance at all that's not what we're there for..its all about meeting 
old and making new friends..another thing if you cant handle your 
liquor than stay away from it nothing worse than having a drunk 
with liquor breathe YUCK trying to push up on someone. 

Dress Code:
DRESS TO IMPRESS if you attend a Meet & Greet. That means NO thugged-out guys - that's NOT attractive! There is a dress code at most places. No Sneakers for anyone. Most of the classy places that M-n-G's are held at will not let you in the door. Guys: No hats, tank tops or sleeveless shirts. Ladies: Just don't be hanging out too much and they'll let you in. (big surprise, huh?) Denim is allowed, as long as there are no holes or tatters on them. Everyone must leave their shoes on. We've had a few of our group get a finger shaken at them by security for walking around without shoes.

Return to Hoople & hotdi's main page

Last updated Monday, December 31, 2012

All content copyright 2002-2013 Hoople & hotdi