Meeting advice for newbies

We have been intending for sometime to post some general advice for meeting couples with the intention of giving some "a clue" as to how to act. Be aware that some couples do NOT swing with singles. Many do socialize with them at, say a Meet-n-Greets. A single attempting to persuade a couple otherwise is a futile exercise. Many times it will get you a reputation of being 'pushy' and in an extreme 'black listed' for swingers events/clubs. Below are some very wise writings found buried in a discussion board. We've reposted a few snippets and two very good posts from that thread. But first, two very memorable quotes to ponder:

"The real shame is that 100% of the single men out there think that it's the 'other 99%' that are responsible for the reception they receive from most couples."

"The funny thing with common sense these days - its really not that common."

Post by Flori_DAMAN

1: Don't bullshit. If you are married then just say so. You may be in for a destruction of your marriage as well as an unpleasant experience or two when you are caught, which you probably will be.

2: Don't bullshit. Practically every guy that has had more than a few casual sex encounters is convinced that he is the all-time lovemaking Don Juan on the continent. Be aware that the hubby of the fine lady you hope to connect with thinks he's pretty good too. Do you think you will get far with him by implying that you are better than him at having sex? Couples do not want single males for a sex guru. They are not attempting to have their first orgasm. They are simply using a single male as an added pleasure for fantasy fulfillment.

3: Don't bullshit. If you have told so many lies to hook a couple that you are now afraid to meet them then you may have pushed the envelope. Many single males are famous for getting right up to the point of meeting then copping out. (This holds true for some couples also as we all know.). If you want to have sex with a couple commit yourself to following up on meeting them casually first usually so they can judge your looks, personality, etc. to see if the famous "chemistry" is there.

4: Be yourself. Don't bullshit. I see a lot of ads that tell the whole story. Many guys are under the impression that they need to impress the daylights out of a couple to get them. They look at the overwhelming number of ads placed by single guys and think their chances are nil to none and just quit there. Believe it or not, if you are a decent clean, honestly single male you are a sought after item. I have been on both sides of this fence. My wife and I have occasionally searched for a single male although currently are not. I was astounded by the simplicity of weeding out the bad apples. You can be certain that your prospective couples will not even answer 99% of the ads they see and will not respond positively to 90% of the people that respond to their ads. Using simple math you have great odds of hooking up with a couple if you are who you say you are and place a good ad.

"I highly recommend having, for lack of a better word, references. If you have met a few couples, and it has gone well, ask them if they might give you a 'recommendation' to others..."

"Don't share the names of your reference without their permission. The couple you were with likely asked for discretion, which means you should get their approval first. You need to respect their confidentiality first and foremost, or can be most assured they won't be a reference for long!"

Post by curiousagain

To single males AND females seeking couples

#1 NO means NO. No means no, "maybe later" means no... only more polite. How many times can you approach a couple or lady after the first 'no'- zero.

#2 No sometimes means not right now. Don't keep going back and asking, though, when they are ready they will contact you. Sometimes you are tested to see if you maintain your manners and pride in the face of rejection.

#3 Couples are not two people, they are a couple. If this is a difficult concept for you to grasp, you have never been part of a couple. It doesn't matter if they full swap in separate rooms with you and another single. They are a couple. Treat them as such.

#4 The women of these couples are normal, everyday women who swing. They are not whores, sluts, sex starved housewives, nymphomaniacs, loose women, who have never really had it put to'm like you do it etc. etc. etc.

#5 The Men of these couples are normal, everyday men who swing. They are not sex starved, brainless, moral-less, fall in love with every female who drops her pants, idiots who don't know how to satisfy their wives and have never had a BJ like you give it etc. etc. etc.

#6 Trying to get either to leave the other or play behind their back will usually place both partners boot so far up your ass it will take a team of proctologist, abdominal surgeons, and chest surgeons to surgically remove it.

#7 MOST don't give a rat's ass if you have an 8 inch penis or 40DD breast or both. There are more important things to be decided before they play with you.

#8 Be flexible but adhere to your boundaries/rules/obligations. Don't be a prima donna, but don't be a doormat either. Unless you are into BDSM and the roles are decided, I guess, I don't know, I don't go there.

#9 When you speak or email to one, know it will be repeated or shown to the other.

#10 These people are sexually liberated and pretty forward. If they want you to walk up and stick your hand in their pants or fondle a boob. They will tell you. Until that time assume they don't.

#11 Different couples want different things at different times. You know how to figure out what it is? ASK then LISTEN.

#12 Act like you were raised to have manners.

#13 smile, be friendly not lecherous or egotistical. When e-mailing a couple be aware, the husband usually screens the email. You have to get by the gatekeeper before the keymaster even knows you exist.

#14 Not everybody wants singles, understand and respect this. What if a couple thought you should let them tie you up and whip you even though you're not into that. Doesn't mean you have anything against couples, you just don't like being tied up and whipped. Then again maybe you do, but you know what I am getting at here.

#15 discretion means keep your mouth shut. It means if you see them out in the Vanilla world you act like you don't know them unless you have developed a friendship with them outside of playing.

#16 Make sure everybody is clear on everything before getting started.

#17 Do not change your own rules or ask someone else to change theirs during play.

#18 No matter how hot for you one of the couple is, the other has veto power at any time, and you are being watched constantly as to how you treat the most important person in the universe to them. Don't ever ever ever forget that. How long would you tolerate someone being rude and disrespectful to the most important person in your life? That's what I thought, about a New York second.

#19 If you want to keep getting what you've gotten, keep doing what you've been doing.
#20 Couples talk. Stand one up or try something shady and see how quick you are shunned. Act responsible, polite, etc. and be a competent lover and your main problem will be how to maintain a job and a house and still see half the couples contacting you.

For the couples wanting to play with the singles.

#1 No means NO

#2 not right now means later when I have time or I am finished with my child's football season, or after I see if this present girlfriend is going to work out, etc. etc. Don't call me a stupid loser cause I decline. Don't tell me I will only get laid if I do as you say. You have to find someone that both of you agree on. I only have to meet someone that I want, I have more time to look, I'm getting laid more than you are.

#3 We are single, but we are a person. We are not a breathing sex toy. We are not someone who is sex starved, couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with a fist full of twenties, socially misfit, brainless, do anything to get laid, fall in love with everything of the opposite sex, etc. etc. If we were, you wouldn't give us the time of day.

#4 We have rules and boundaries. They are there for a reason. Respect them.

#5 Treat me as a guest and I will act as a guest. Treat me as a friend, and I will act as a friend.

#6 If you only want to watch me with your wife, tell me ahead of time you are not going to participate but just watch. And don't stand behind me, it makes me nervous. :-)

#7 If you want me to answer your questions, answer mine. Don't expect me to go through the third degree while you take the fifth.

#8 don't act like you are doing me a favor and I won't act like I am doing you a favor. We are all here because we want to be. We are all giving and receiving, or at least that's the way we planned it.

#9 If you see me out in the vanilla world with someone you would give your left arm to be with, do not expect me to "convert them" and bring them to you on a silver platter. I am probably working on converting them or given up on it already. Please do not expect me to work miracles just because I am your third in a threesome sometimes. I don't "owe you" you don't "owe me". see #8 above.

#10 If I can't be free when you are right now, doesn't mean I can help it. And it doesn't mean I am not trying, life just gets in the way sometimes. This is ONE of the things I do and it isn't the MOST IMPORTANT. Family and job comes first. Can't be helped.

#11 Trying to get me to meet you behind your partners back will make me do my roadrunner imitation and leave in a cloud of dust. I am not looking for that. If I was, your spouse would have picked up on it and exercised their veto power.!!!!!! Love may blind them to your actions, but not mine, they are suspicious anyway. And, who needs that drama????

#12 Discretion means the same both ways.

#13 Make sure everybody is clear on everything before getting started.

#14 We watch how you interact as a couple. If it appears there is something amiss in the relationship, we will be outta there. If you have a disagreement, please do not have it with us there, makes us very uncomfortable. However, if one of you is about to break a rule, please feel free to call a timeout or something. I don't want to feel responsible for any problems.

#15 Singles talk. If you mistreat one, there may be another to take their place, but the quality ones will suddenly be hard to find.

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Last updated August 13, 2007

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